Some matrimonial advice

I came across this essay today and fell in love. It is written by Dr. Craig Nova, an author and Professor of Humanities at the University of North Carolina, Greensboro. He originally wrote this essay for his daughter on her wedding day, but I think that it applies to anyone--no matter how long they have been married. If you want to go to his blog and see the entire original post, you can go here.

Dr. Nova’s Matrimonial Checklist
First, I have found that one of the most important things in a good marriage is ordinary, garden variety politeness, the please and thank you, minor formality, etc. The point of this politeness is not only that it is good in itself, and makes life a little easier and a touch sweeter, but that it mitigates against the greatest danger in marriage, which is that familiarity can breed contempt, or at least can led to impertinence. A little politeness, especially in trying circumstances, goes a long ways, and then, too, politeness in public makes sure that no domestic dissonance ever leaves the confines of the house. It is humiliation, no matter how minor, that one can’t forgive, or that one forgives uneasily and only over great amounts of time...

Don’t fight it. One of the odd things about matrimony, on a long term basis, is that you don’t become two people so much as three, that is you, your husband, and then this other creature who is part wife and part husband. This third, combined creature grows larger and larger as the other two shrink. After a while there is only the third creature, and it can’t even remember what happened to the other two. You will know that the third creature is taking over when you can’t make a decision without consulting with your spouse (of course, it begins with big items, such as “Should we buy this house?” but it seeps downward from there so you find yourself wanting to consult about the quality of the basil for the marinara sauce).

The time to show largeness of spirit or generosity is just after having won an argument.

Small, considerate gifts, on a regular basis, are appreciated. These show that not only have you been thinking about your partner on a regular basis, you are willing to do something about it...

Finally, it is a good idea to forgive the spouse in the same spirit that one would like to be forgiven oneself.