Hell's Bells!!!

At some point in my life--I'm not sure when or where--I saw a magnet on somebody's refrigerator that read "When Mom says No, Call 1-800-Grandma." I remember laughing about it and thinking, "Wow, whoever wrote this does not know my Grandma." Case-in-point: I was probably about 7 years old, and my family had gone on our annual summer trip to Idaho Falls to see Grandma and Grandpa. While there were always plenty of things to make these trips fun and memorable... in my mind, a trip to Idaho Falls meant just one thing: Cable Television--Hours and hours of pure, unadulterated, slime-dumping, pie-throwing, Double-Daring, Nickelodeonic bliss. Oh how I loved it!!! So one day, I'm down in the basement enjoying the television and my Grandma walks in says, "You are watching way too much TV... Go outside and play." Shocked and horrified, I sauntered up the hard stairs, my head hanging down, studying the familiar pattern of funny-looking stones in the linoleum floor. How could she be so mean? Woe is me. Woe is me... As I dragged myself out the door to the backyard where my brother and sister were playing, I saw a glimmer of hope. My mother was sitting at the red picnic bench. I ran up to her and in the sweetest, most innocent voice I could muster, I asked, "Mommy, is it OK if I go watch TV?" It seemed unnecessary to divulge the details of what had happened in the basement a few minutes before. My mom, undoubtedly distracted by something one of her children was doing, said "Sure, go ahead." Armed with permission from the ultimate authority, I snuck back downstairs and turned the TV back on. I knew that if Grandma came back, I had the perfect defense: Mom said I could. After a little while, Grandma appeared in the doorway and said "What are you doing?" Wide-eyed, I looked up at her. Suddenly, my impenetrable defense just seemed silly. Before I could say a word, she walked over to me, and in a way that inexplicably combined bear-like strength with gentle motherly care, she grabbed me by the ear, guided me up the stairs and out the door saying "It's a beautiful day! Don't waste it in front of the TV!"

In the world of Grandmas, mine was in a class of her own. Tough as nails and soft as a baby's bottom, she brought smiles and joy to all those who associated with her. Her quick wit and wonderful sense of humor often resulted in side splitting laughing fits. She loved to laugh. She loved God, she loved her family, and she loved life. Last week, we went to Grandma's funeral. While it was sad to say goodbye to such a wonderful, beautiful person, Stephanie and I were impressed by the overall feeling at the service. There was joy and laughter in the air. We were all truly there to celebrate the life of this lovely person in the way she would have wanted... with a smile on everyone's face.

It was a wonderful service, but the day would not have been complete without some hilarity. And of course, we were the ones to provide. I was honored to be a pallbearer for the burial service. We brought our dog, Hero, along with us to Pocatello where the cemetery was located. When we arrived (a little later than everyone else, of course), I ran over to the other pallbearers, and Stephanie put Hero in the car and rolled the windows down for her. With everything settled, we removed the casket from the coach and began walking to the gravesite. Everything was going smoothly, and then....there she was... I look up and see Hero scampering across the grass just as happy and excited as she can be. She runs right to us and begins skipping along with us directly under the casket. The little booger had shimmied her way out of the open window and jumped right out of the car. Everybody was laughing, while Steph and I just shook our heads in horrified embarrassment. Across from me my Dad laughed and said "Look... honorary pallbearer!" At the time, I wanted to die of embarrassment, but once it was all said and done, I think it was pretty funny. And I truly believe that my dear sweet Grandma got a good chuckle out of the whole thing.


This is getting lengthy, so I'll finish with a list of random things that will always remind me of my Grandma:

Beef stroganoff
Dinosaurs the TV show
Victor Borge
Nickelodeon
Lawn darts
Pizza w/ fresh tomatoes
ZCMI
Gold jewelry
QVC
Mahjong
"Hell's Bells"
Laundry chutes
Big breakfasts
Church music


Grandma, I miss you and I love you very much. You are an inspiration to me and I truly appreciate everything that you have done to shape my life and the lives of our entire family. I know that you are happy, and I know we'll be together again.